1. The comments are closed for the article, thus preventing anyone to take issue with it on the site.
2. It compares the social standards of Japan and the US, therefore making it within the purview of this blog.

Dr. Fields makes the case that modern Americans are rude (not going to argue with that) and Japanese are polite (also generally true) and then makes the case that the rudeness of Americans is detrimental to society, and that we would be a lot better off to be polite, the way the Japanese are.

I get the impression that Dr. Fields knows very little about Japanese Culture. Granted, I’m by no means, an expert, but it seems that he is missing a lot of information in that article. He sounds like someone who vacationed there, rather than someone who actually deeply experienced what it means to live in the Japanese culture.

More after the fold…

His piece begins:

Americans are rude. I say this not to preach, which is neither my right nor my intention, but as a scientist, a developmental neuroscientist. My concern about American rudeness relates to my scientific research and knowledge about the development of the human brain. My conclusion comes from a recent trip to Japan, and from a reminder of times past, the death of actress Barbara Billingsley, who died Oct. 16, 2010.

Hence it seems that he is building his argument from a vacation. He continues with this after a romp through 1950′s television:

The contrast between the brash, comparatively disrespectful behavior of Americans today and the courtesy, formal manners, civil discourse, polite behavior and respect for others regardless of social status that is evident in Japanese society is striking. The contrast hits an American like a splash of cold water upon disembarking the airplane in Japan, because it clashes so starkly with our behavior. For an American, Japanese manners and courtesy must be experienced.

I can’t say that I disagree with that, but again, it’s a surface level analysis. He seems to miss the idea that that politeness equals niceness, or that there is real sincerity behind it, rather than a societal expectation. Dr. Fields seems to believe otherwise:

The formal “Yes, Sir, Yes, Ma’am,” is not a showy embellishment in the military; strict respect and formal polite discourse are the hub of the wheel in any effective and cohesive social structure. True, many chafe under a system of behavior that is overly rigid, as do many young Japanese, but my point is that these polite and formalized behaviors reduce stress in a stressful situation that arises from being an individual in a complex society. Stress is a neurotoxin, especially during development of a child’s brain.

Does Dr. Fields also feel that forced deference where it is nor deserved nor earned also cause stress? In the situation described above, it could also be more stressful to defer when a person is definitely incorrect or in the wrong.

Also, he seems to be ignorant of Japanese culture, in general. Because the society is based on consensus, it is acceptable to question any idea, if it seems incorrect, even if it is a child questioning the actions of an adult, which is generally frowned upon here.

The stress resulting from conforming to norms could be argued as being more stressful than the stress from the potential of initiating conflict.  The latter being an occasional short term issue, while the former is a chronic and constant issue.

Does the author think that Japanese don’t feel stress? Or that simply by being polite it negates it?

If, by his claim, Japan has a less stressful environment, by being polite, then:

• Why does Japan have one of the highest suicide rates amongst industrial nations?
• Why does Japan have issues with bulling in schools, like the US?
• Why, if Japanese are so polite, is bulling and suicide considered commonplace, even within the corporate environment, within the society?

The links above are just a sample. a simple google search will uncover many more examples…

I think that Dr. Fields needs to learn a lot more about Japanese culture before making such grandiose claims. As the Chief of the Nervous System Development and Plasticity Section at the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development, he should understand that making such simplistic correlations between cultures with out first having a deeper understanding of the expectations at play, and the differences on the macro and micro levels makes such comparisons moot.

Japan and the US are about as opposite as two cultures can be, yet we both suffer from many of the same problems, albeit in different ways. It is a mistake to suggest that the benefits of one can transfer to the other, since there are many other issues at play beneath the surface. For example, it’s common not to lock your door in many parts of Japan, would it be wise to suggest that to Americans, simply because it works there? Of course not. For those type of changes to occur, you need a culture-wide change on many levels, amongst the totality of the society for it to work. Things like that don’t happen overnight.

Overall, though Dr. Field’s post is limited and ill informed, I appreciate what he wants to convey, and on the whole, agree that a more polite and sincere society may be beneficial to everyone, his evaluation leaves much to be desired, and it would suit him well to understand the culture he’s comparing us to, before making the comparison.

One other note… I lost some respect for him, as the commenting section on the article was shut down. To me, that seems to suggest that he was not open to discussion or he could not personally handle “rude” or any other deconstruction or negative comments on his article. By Japanese standards, that would be considered “Weak”.

There is also a difference between how foreigners are treated socially than native Japanese. Foreigners are expected not to know the customs of Japan and are essentially given a “pass”  and are excused for improper behavior. This makes understanding the culture more difficult for the casual traveler.

Not that Americans have a corner on the market… The British practically have an entire segment of their media economy based on gossip and innuendo, as well as many other first world nations. Now think about this…What if a bunch of random strangers, from points all over the world, suddenly took that much of an interest into your life? And by interest, I mean, scouring the internet trying to find out EVERYTHING they can about you, your family, or anyone close to you? Spreading lies, innuendo, threats, and general harassment, simply because, in their eyes, you stepped out of line of the social norms that they decide.

Why? For the simple reason that they didn’t agree with you, and they decided to post on 2chan about it…

Now, if you’ve been on the internet for some time, you’ve probably heard of 2chan, or it’s American counterpart, 4chan, an anonymous bulletin board frequented by hackers, otaku, and others generally described as social misfits, but within that realm, have a lot of power within the internet. Since it’s inception, it’s become one of the most popular sites on the internet in the Japanese language, and is home to many internet trolls. The site has been accused of driving people to suicide, and was recently attacked en masse by South Korean hackers because of their criticism of a female skater during the Olympics.

But I digress… Let’s go back in time a bit….

My girlfriend’s oldest daughter was out walking the dog about a month ago. The dog is rather large and strong, and had wrapped  the leash partway around her legs. He saw a bird and took off after it,  causing her to fall face-first onto the pavement, knocking out one of her teeth and damaging several others. Since it was about 6 o’clock in the evening, we had some difficulty finding a dental surgeon who could fix it. It was recommended to us by the critical care unit that we find a dental surgeon, as that would be the best chance of saving the tooth, rather than going to the emergency room, where there wouldn’t be any experts in dentistry.

The dentist wanted over $2000 up front to fix it, and since we were not prepared for such an expense, we borrowed money from a friend to cover the cost of the surgery.

Later, my girlfriend, who has been blogging in Japanese, on a Japanese site for around 2 years, mentioned the accident and everything that happened. Some readers who had been following her blog for a long time offered to donate some money to help offset the expense, which was very kind of them, and it was suggested that she set up a donate button on her website so they could do so.

Who would have imagined the tempest this unleashed…

Apparently some of her readers (or possibly only one for all we know) took offense to this and posted about it on 2chan, claiming that it was fraudulent and a hoax, and it snowballed from there. It spread to other forums and websites quite quickly, and within a few days a simple unknown blogger who writes about recipes and daily life in America suddenly became an item of interest amongst the Japanese internet community.

It started with derogatory comments and calling on her to remove the donate button and to reimburse everyone that had donated. She removed the button and offered to refund to anyone who requested it, but this was not enough, they still claimed she was a fraud and demanded evidence of the accident. Then she posted the x-rays of the damage and receipts of payment and the billing from the dentist of what was done and how much the charges were, but this was still not enough, and the posts continued.

There is now a blog dedicated to ridiculing her, alongside the 2chan board and at least one other site talking about her, calling her a “shit mother” and accusing her of other “Crimes” by people that claim to know her personally and know her situation. They are also claiming to contact various government agencies to report her “Crimes” even though they know nothing about her or her life.

What’s especially funny (in a not so funny way) is that there are at least 3 people on the 2chan board claiming to be her and goading other users by saying inflammatory things to keep people worked up on the subject, and yet no one seems to question this.

Bottom line is, it’s all a witch hunt. They don’t care about anything that proves she’s innocent, they only want to hang her in a public forum, truth be dammed. They don’t care about truth, they only care about keeping it going for as long as possible, using her notoriety to make themselves seem popular and interesting. Kinda sad in it’s own way…

This hasn’t been exclusive to her either. In their attempts to dig up any dirt or information, I became included in the attacks as well.

A few days ago, the traffic to my site jumped considerably, because it became linked to the hate blog. A number of people were scouring the site, looking for something to report back on, but no one actually posted any comments, until now.  Here is the text of the message I received, from someone claiming to be a woman named Mimi in Washington State:

recently came across your blog, and I decided to leave my first comment.

I am a Japanese woman, and I have been living in the United States in the past 20 years.  I came to this country as an international student.  I found your blog very interesting; you provided many unique perspectives in Japanese culture.  It is funny, and I have been enjoying reading it.

However, I am very concerned for one thing.  I understand that you have been in a relationship with a Japanese woman.   It sounds like to me that she has become a symbol of Japan to you for some reasons.
It is actually one of the most common mistakes American men can make when they started going out with somebody from different countries because you guys do not know enough about them.  You may not know too many people to get many different perspectives either.

To tell the truth, I am little disappointed how your significant other (GF) have represented about our country and cultures.  Her perspectives are definitely unique but not the most common one in Japan.  I do not want you to misrepresent our country and make jokes out of it.

Lastly, I would like to know if you have known about a little media attention that your girlfriend’ blog.
Are you absolutely sure the whole details?  It may be difficult for you to communicate with her by having language problems, and love makes you blind.  If you can provide us some insights, I (and many readers of your blogs) would appreciate.

First of all, Mimi, Thank you for being the first person brave enough to contact me directly out of all the people that have been lurking on my blog.

Allow me to address your comments in order…

Yes, you recently came across by blog, through a website that for some unknown reason has decided to take a random person and try to destroy their life. Were you were curious and decided to take a look, or were you are hoping that I would respond, in the hopes that I will give you something juicy to report back on? Are you so desperate for attention or impatient that you needed to post your comments twice because I didn’t respond fast enough?  Gossip cannot exist in a vaccum, it needs to be fed to survive, so here you go, you’re welcome.

I’m glad you enjoy my blog, and would have wished you would have discovered it under better circumstances. I assume that since you have been in the US for 20 years, you should have a good understanding of American culture. If so, you should know that, at least in the US, putting a donation button on a website is not unusual, in fact it’s quite common, and there is nothing wrong with it, even if someone who is native to Japan and living in the US does it.

In light of your concerns, let me assure you that my girlfriend is not a symbol, but rather a perspective of Japanese culture. She knows a lot more than I do about Japan, but I know a lot more than she does about America. There are as many different perspectives about America by Americans as there are different perspectives about Japan by Japanese.  You are very mistaken if you think I take her perspective as how all Japanese are. She even says herself that all Japanese are different with different perspectives, despite the fact that Japan is commonly equated as being a conformist culture.

If you feel that she has misrepresented your culture, then please give me specific examples. I consider my blog an open forum and if you (or any of the others reading this) would like to discuss what Japanese culture is “really like” then I would appreciate your input. Vague disagreement doesn’t help anyone.

As far as poking fun at the Japanese culture, that’s part of humor, and all cultures do it. For example, consider the popular Fuccons which is directed at American stereotypes.  And, yes, I’ll be the first to admit that to a Japanese person, I appear to laugh inappropriately a lot. I get laughed at quite often for my behavior as well because it seems strange to native Japanese. In fact, I tend to make more jokes about myself then I do about Japanese culture. Most of my humor has to do with my own problems in adapting to it, so I’m not sure what you find so offensive.

Lastly, yes, I am aware of what is going on, and what is written on her blog, but I honestly don’t care. Being an American, one of our supreme truths is that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. As Thomas Jefferson said, regarding religion, but it applies here,  ”But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.” I know she sometimes writes less than flattering things about me, some are true and some are exaggerations, and she uses it to vent when we have a disagreement.

What I am truly curious about, is what was your motivation in writing me? As I mentioned in the previous quote, her actions do not affect you in any way, so why tell me about it? A public service? I don’t think so.

You suggest That I’m “Blinded by love” because, in your mind, if I really understood the “Truth” that I would turn my back on her.  In your mind there are only two options, either I should agree with you or I am a lovesick idiot. Did it occur to you that you could be incorrect? Could it be that you are placing your faith in a bunch of hateful strangers on the internet and believing whatever they write? Why do you even care? Why do you think that anything she does is any of your business? For someone who has lived in the US for 20 years, why haven’t you learned that?

Are you hoping that you can report back to your virtual “Friends” that you made us break up? Would that make you happy or proud?  It makes you seem like a sadist (サディスト) . Your motivations for writing me seem like they are only to try to cause pain to our lives and your final statement makes that perfectly clear.

So you understand, the reason I posted  this on my blog is twofold:

1. To create a public record, and to insure that my comments would not be taken out of context. I’m sure that my words will be ridiculed no matter what I write, because this is all about harassment, so there isn’t a correct response, just food for the trolls.  Due to the amount of attention this is receiving, I do feel obligated to respond.
2. To highlight the darker side of Japanese culture.

The post title, “The nail that sticks up…”, is part of a well known Japanese saying. The rest of the quote is, “get’s hammered down.”

Japan is often referred to as a conformist culture. People feel obligated to point things out when they think you are doing something wrong,  or simply not associate with you if you have broken a rule. These strong expectations of its citizens creates both positive and negative effects.

On the positive side, it makes the trains run on time, produces great customer service,  and keeps the crime rate down. On the negative side it creates this kind of gossip, an amazingly high suicide rate, and a populace afraid to step out of line. In comparison, the US could be considered a non-conformist culture.  It has it’s positives and drawbacks as well. Customer service sucks, the crime rate is higher but fewer people kill themselves, and we tend to ignore busybodies with nothing better to do than attack people for no reason, and if someone does attack us, our first call is to a lawyer, not to conform or cry in our pillow.

I don’t know if I got around to discussing the concepts of Honne and Tatemae in an earlier post, but in brief:

• Honne is what you want to do
• Tatemae is what society expects of you and how you should behave.

Both are important concepts in Japanese society, not so different to Freud’s  ”Id” and “Superego”, respectively.  The ability to have anonymity on the internet allows the “Id” to do whatever he wants, without the interference of the “Superego”. What’s interesting, psychologically, is that in this case, the “Superego” still judges other people’s actions, even though it’s exhibited through the “Id”. This creates a situation where other’s actions are judged to a much higher standard than their own, and are judged much more harshly because there is no filter for the “Id’s” actions.

The main lesson you can take from this:

Just because the Japanese are polite doesn’t mean that they are nice.  As Shakespeare said,  ”One can smile and smile and be a villain.”

As I was saying, the dog decided to drop a load on the carpet, right in front of me. My girlfriend was in the shower, and her daughters were having dinner. I yelled the dog’s name, and the girls said “What?” and my reply was “Kuso!” (Shit!).

Who would have guessed that this would become an exercise in the finer points of describing poop…

Here’s what they told me:

1. “Unchi” is used to describe soft poop (like yogurt) so roughly equivalent to diarrhea, but not liquid. It is also what very young kids use to describe poop (i.e. ‘poopie’)
2. “Unko” is for more solid poop, and generally used by adults. Although, like ‘unchi’ it is still slang, though not that obscene.
3. “Kuso” is like “Shit”, and although accurate, it is more of an exclamation than a description, and considered slang.
4. “Ben” would be the more common, clinical description, similar in English to “Stool”, and is not considered obscene.

So, if your name happens to be “Ben” is might be a good idea to come up with a pseudonym if you are visiting Japan, especially if you want to avoid a lot of pointing and giggling. Don’t use the longer name of “Benjamin” either, that sounds a lot worse, and no, I’m not going into detail, just trust me on this.

Sorry for all the gutter talk, but sometimes education isn’t pretty.

So perhaps I can help? If you have reached this blog searching for blood you aren’t going to find much here, may I suggest:

Definitely try this out, it’s free and it does a good job with repetition, and also has time based practice games to help increase your speed.  you can select to learn 5 or 10 words per session, I choose 5 because I am an あほじじ。。

one of the things I really like about it is that it drills you in both the hirigana and the kanji, and you have to pass a quiz several times before you are really considered to have learned it. So far, it is the best free resource I’ve found.

Anyways, I don’t always have the time to blog, and not as much to write about. When I have the time and something that requires a longer post, I’ll add it.
But for shorter updates that are more frequent, please subscribe to my twitter feed at http://www.twitter.com/nihongobaka

There was a lot of laughter at the table, but the most laughter came from a simple misunderstanding. We were talking about Christmas, and I asked the girls if they knew “Jingle Bells”

Her oldest daughter said “What?!?!” and started laughing hysterically, the rest of us sat there staring at her wondering what the joke was. After she calmed down a bit, she said “Did you say　ちんげのべろ　(chinge no bero)?”

At which point the other two began blushing and laughing (and I’m guessing those of you reading this who understand Japanese are also at least smiling a bit)
meanwhile I was still clueless…

It was a good few of minutes before any of them could calm down long enough to explain it, as every attempt made them crack up again.

Well what she thought she heard me say would be translated as “Pubic hair’s tongue “

Not the kind of discussion to be having over dinner, but it was funny.
It also lead to her trying to come up with lyrics to the rest of the song, which even if I could remember, I don’t think I would repeat it here. But it was a holiday to remember!

Hope you had a good holiday as well!

And if you are interested in the great cranberry sauce recipe or would like something different to make for the holidays, just follow the links!

I’ve already discovered that a lot of the concepts are lost on them.

I mentioned that I’d be putting the turkey in the oven at 5 am, so it would be done in time, and she said “What? We have it for lunch, not dinner?”

I said yes, (I honestly have a hard time waiting that long to eat, once the smell of turkey is in the air) and she said, “Then what do we have for dinner?”

I replied that it was kind of an all day event, you eat, get full, rest, eat some more, rest, eat, etc, all day long.

“What? The same thing for dinner? That’s terrible!” And then she called me “saitei” a “horrible person” for expecting them to eat the same thing for lunch and dinner..

“Well,” I said, “It’s more like one big all day meal. you make lots of food and eat it all day long.”

“I don’t understand. Why would you do that?” She said.
It was a phrase I heard over and over the more I tried to explain it.

Now, I LOVE turkey, and everything that goes with it (except cranberries) and for me, Thanks giving is a special time to enjoy all of it, and I’ll eat leftovers for every meal, including breakfast and snacks, until it is all gone. Needless to say, from her point of view that borders on insanity.

All in all, I expect this to be a difficult holiday for her. she doesn’t care for most of the food that I’m making, and she’s making cranberry salad, shrimp, and pound cake with chestnuts for dessert (she doesn’t like pumpkin pie, either) and worst of all, is that I’ll be in the kitchen, which she will openly say is Her Domain, and no one else belongs there.

We’ll see how it goes…

To everyone reading, I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving, and eat at least as much as I’m going to!

I was taking the stairs 2 at a time and was in the middle of the group, until I hit the 4th floor, when every part of my body said, in unison, “OK, you’re DONE NOW!”

I was determined not to give up, and finish what I had started, walking very slowly up the stairs, one at a time… By the time I was at the 7th floor, the guys had left me far behind and were at the top waiting. I was having to take breaks every few steps, and thinking that I was (seriously) going to die in a stairwell…

Now I know I’m getting old, it’s not hard to miss those little pains that you didn’t used to have, and having your girlfriend tease you about becoming “Hage” (balding) ,”Debu” (fat) and “Gigi” (old man).  You can’t help but acknowledge it, but it’s easy to forget how much your body has changed until you do something stupid and really push yourself beyond your limits. 

I realized it when just taking a single step was slow and excruciating, and having to stop and catch my breath every few steps. No matter how much I wanted to move faster, by body would simply not respond.

I did make it to the top, and it took a long time to recover. After that experience I had a whole new perspective from when I started. When I began I thought of myself as just like them, young, vibrant and competitive. When I finished I was tired and humbled, but I was proud of my persistence and much more self aware.

I started wanting to win, and finished just wanting to finish, and I probably felt better making it to the top alive than I would have felt had I been able to keep up with them. and I guess you have to be old enough to be able to understand that as well.