When the dog decided to do his business on the carpet, my mention of it became a discussion of the ways of pronouncing poop. If this is a subject you are not comfortable with, please move on… Otherwise, continue reading.

As I was saying, the dog decided to drop a load on the carpet, right in front of me. My girlfriend was in the shower, and her daughters were having dinner. I yelled the dog’s name, and the girls said “What?” and my reply was “Kuso!” (Shit!).

Who would have guessed that this would become an exercise in the finer points of describing poop…

Here’s what they told me:

  1. “Unchi” is used to describe soft poop (like yogurt) so roughly equivalent to diarrhea, but not liquid. It is also what very young kids use to describe poop (i.e. ‘poopie’)
  2. “Unko” is for more solid poop, and generally used by adults. Although, like ‘unchi’ it is still slang, though not that obscene.
  3. “Kuso” is like “Shit”, and although accurate, it is more of an exclamation than a description, and considered slang.
  4. “Ben” would be the more common, clinical description, similar in English to “Stool”, and is not considered obscene.

So, if your name happens to be “Ben” is might be a good idea to come up with a pseudonym if you are visiting Japan, especially if you want to avoid a lot of pointing and giggling. Don’t use the longer name of “Benjamin” either, that sounds a lot worse, and no, I’m not going into detail, just trust me on this.

Sorry for all the gutter talk, but sometimes education isn’t pretty.